I started going to a psychologist, by recommendation of my brother and my mother, the same person who had seen me when I was 11 years old, is a Catholic believing psychologist. I had three queries, and he told me to write down on a piece of paper everything I remembered about the difficult events of my childhood, because when I was 10 years old I had a very difficult situation: from one moment to the next I did not want to go back to school, I was very anxious and scared, I just wanted to be in the house with my mom and that nobody asked me anything about why it would not bother me. I started to Somatize diseases, my mom did not know what to do etc. The next year I tried to go back but I could not. Up to a year and a half or so I was able to go back to another school. I never understood what happened to me, I had some symptoms but I did not understand the causes. That had consequences in the rest of my life until recently etc. Then on two occasions I tried to do the task that the psychologist had given me to remember that time of my childhood to see what new I could find, but I just could not remember anything new , and those two nights I could not sleep almost nothing. But at least a little after going to the Holy Mass (I went daily and now I do) I arrived at my house and began to see things like that in my childhood: a rape a very strong wound in my being as a male (I have known that when you have a trauma the mind can forget it as a self defense mechanism). Immediately and as always I tried to forgive that person with prayer, and then I began to feel as if something was taken from me, and with great vehemence I regained my identity as a man. Another day after praying the Holy Rosary, I began to have another small vision of that same time of my childhood. As a result of my constant prayer and struggle to please God at all times, I received inner healing throughout my life. The love or rejection and wounds that are received from the mother's womb during childhood and later throughout life affect and build each person in their integral being. In my personal case I had situations of abuse in my childhood, rejections and ridicule of people. Some of these situations were hidden in my memory, even so I had the symptoms: anxiety, anguish, panic attacks etc. Through prayer I was able to remember and heal these things, and these symptoms began to disappear little by little.
It is necessary to realize the existence of a world not only material but also spiritual. In my process of spiritual liberation that goes hand in hand with inner healing, I could through prayer, discover other elements that affected me since I was in the womb: curses and witchcraft of people close to my family and me etc.
In addition to prayer, and trust in God, it is also necessary to have a constant attitude in daily life. I lived in trauma and in sadness and I did not overcome that state, the opposite is to forgive, to love everyone and enemies as well, to try to be happy always so the opposite feels, humility etc. Do not let yourself be overcome by anxiety, anguish, sadness, pride, hatred, etc. Jesus is our only way, He is our joy.
Although it has been a difficult path for me, it really is worth it. The amount of wounds and difficult moments in my life was so strong, huge wounds and wounds in my self-esteem but especially in my being as a man, in my masculinity. Jesus has healed me, gives me strength and above all the love I so much sought, in prayer, in a very special way in the Eucharist and also in devotion to his Blessed Mother, who is also my Mother. I feel that the old thirst to look for another man is extinguished, I am that man that looked so much, I recovered my lost identity !!! I love God first, I love myself and I love others as myself. I have forgiven myself and I have forgiven others.
People look at me differently: they respect me and take me into account much more than before. I feel better. I also feel now a healthy and true attraction to women, not uncontrolled or forced, something natural. I have also received many other enormous blessings in my work and study.
It is not something magical, it is something of struggle and above all of having a lot of faith in God and not accepting defeat never, never, ever. Without God this process could not have been carried out, it is Jesus who has done it all, the only thing I have done has been to let myself be guided by Him and trust Him. I asked God for help from the bottom of my soul and He he listened Of course there are blessings, but there will also continue to be problems and difficulties. I have to stay united with Jesus to keep me on my feet. I can not do anything, and I am nothing without Him.